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Breakfast & Launch Podcast
Episode 5: Making Peace With Home | Eniola Alese
Jul 22, 2026
15
00:00
12:53
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TRANSCRIPT
0:00
[gentle music] And your, your family back home, your parents, etc., do they have an opinion or, or how do you deal with their opinions? About? About your career path or your career choices.
0:18
I, I, I don't seek opinion. I, I just tell them, "Okay, this is what I'm doing," and- Wow. You- I don't... Like, I don't seek- That's- I'm not-- Like, I don't seek, "Okay, should I?"
0:27
I'm like, "This is what I'm doing," and like that's why I do. And if they offer opinions of disapproval, does that happen and how do you deal with that?
0:39
Yeah, I listen and I see where they're coming from, but that doesn't change, it doesn't change the fact that this is what I'm doing.
0:46
But I hear them and I let them know that I hear them and I understand where they're coming from. That's, that's remarkable. I love that. You must be a very easy child to parent.
0:54
You know, they would just like your kind of style, like- No, I'm not. No, no, no, I'm not. [laughs] 'Cause see, you know, people like me, they will see me as, you know, rebellious or- Yes... because,
1:05
you know, parents of our generation- Yeah... is their, like, they don't want you to have your, is your, their own way. And when you have your own way, it comes in conflict with- Yeah...
1:16
there's all this thing about control, power, blah, blah, blah. I, I don't think people like me will be seen as easy. They will be seen as, okay, not conformist or different or like- True, true, true, true. Yeah.
1:27
But d- so do you protect yourself from those relationships for peace sake? Do you delimit yourself? And I'll give the context of my own self.
1:36
You see the life that I live, big dreams, vision, intuition, not the c- not the traditional path. Medical doctor could have been this and that. They had all that expectation and I'm like: "Yeah, nope. Not doing that."
1:52
And that has cost me a lot of peace, um, a lot of friction in family relationships, and it's also held me back in a way because- Mm-hmm... no matter how bold I am,
2:05
just their presence and the knowledge of their disapproval- Mm-hmm... still limits me so much. And so all the time, my growth over the past few years is really just fighting that disapproval- Mm-hmm... in my own head.
2:18
Mm-hmm. I'm not as free as I would like to be. And, and I think that it happens commonly with most great achievers. They're usually not actually celebrated from home, not because they're not loved, but because of fear.
2:34
So have you had to practically delimit some of those family relationships just for a superficial peace? [sighs] What does delimit mean? Sorry. I'm not great at meaning. What does delimit mean? No. [laughs] Just
2:51
restrict somewhat. Mm. Just manage. Like, you're not as free as you would like to be, so you just kind of manage for peace sake. Mm. Manage information, that kind of thing.
3:02
[lip smacks] I, I think I mostly just, um, I just, I let them be who they are
3:16
because of the fact I've, I've ac- ac- I've accepted myself as, as I am. Like I know that there's-- 'Cause at the end of the day, it's judgment and expectation of against who I am or who we are, right?
3:31
I see that judgment, I see the expectation, and I acknowledge it, but I also see that I'm aware of who I am. So there's no conflict. That judgment and expectation has no power. It doesn't- Huh.
3:42
It's there, but it doesn't, it doesn't hold any power over my awareness or of who I am, right? Wow. And so it allows me to be able to just let them be. Like, if they say X, Y, just, I just listen.
4:00
I just, "Okay." I, there's no, I don't, there's no argument, there's no back and forth. There's no argument. Wow. There's no, there's nothing in me that's, it just don't get me...
4:07
It's not like one, like, a lot of times, because when you grow up as a child, like you would experience trauma. Trauma in relationship with your parents, with your family, it's there.
4:19
And as a child, we don't, children don't know how to process this trauma, whether it's disapproval, whether it's, okay, whatever the trauma is in terms of like your parents or your family or society telling you that you're not good enough,
4:32
you know, as a child. And as children, we hold that thing because we don't know how to process it, so we hold it within.
4:37
That's why it comes up in our minds as when you grow up as adult as, okay, thinking that I'm not this, I'm not that, right? But that needs to be processed. That, that needs to be looked at. That needs to be acknowledged.
4:50
Okay, this, I can see this pain exists. 'Cause yeah, even with my parents, when they start, they are okay, "Why are you not doing this?" or, "Why are you not doing that?"
4:58
I can see that thing coming up in me of wanting to like fight back of, "Oh, no," or defend myself or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
5:05
But I think after doing it multiple times and seeing, it just leaves me, like, it just leaves me depleted. It doesn't- Wow... it doesn't help anything, and it's, it's painful. So, but
5:18
feeling the pain, and it's also important I experience the pain, and I let it go. And then slowly- Wow... whatever it is they say and it's, I just, "Okay." Like it's, it's like- Mm-hmm.
5:27
But there's nothing in me that's reacting. 'Cause I know there's something in us is that childhood trauma is reacting to their disapproval or to their this. But just the more I just practice
5:38
seeing that, yes, the pain was in me or is in me, and just letting or healing, quote-unquote, so healing that pain and just letting it go- Wow... in less season.
5:48
They're not, they are, what they say is still there, but it doesn't affect- Wow. Wow. Wow... it doesn't affect me. And like, yeah. That's remarkable.
5:56
I listened to someone recently, and he said something that reflects what you just said, and he said, "Healing It was a podcast by Steve Bartlett, Diary of a CEO.
6:04
The guest talked about he had been healed from his trauma in the past, and then Steven, the host, asked, "What, what is healing?"
6:13
Then he thought about it for a second and said, "Healing is the ability to recall the traumatic events of your past without that memory affecting the way you behave in the present."
6:23
And he said he went through a lot of trauma, saw his mother kill herself, a lot of things happen in his background, but that he's now healed. Like nothing that he remembers from his past has any hold on him.
6:37
I think I have some more healing to do. I've been getting a lot of healing progressively in the, in the past few years, similar to you. Um, and I would call that healing journey one word, um, maturity.
6:50
What about your siblings, relationship with your siblings? Similar trajectory? Yes. Sim- So growing up, my siblings, it was, we're all girls, four girls. Oh, wow. Um- What's your position? It was very... Second. Oh, wow.
7:04
Okay. I was very conflict. Like that's where a lot of my childhood pain- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm... came from that and my parents obviously. Yeah. But there was a lot of like fighting, fighting, fighting, fighting.
7:15
Um, but I think now there's more, obviously as adults, we've had to process, like we've had situations whereby those pain, that pain has come up again.
7:26
And for me, I've had to, okay, sit down and say, "Okay, where is this?" Like process it like, and s- I don't, like I can't, like obviously we're not close. We're not all close. We were never close growing up, right?
7:41
But I think there's a lot of, yeah, there's just a lot of love. Yes, it's just love that just flows, you know- Wow... towards. Every time I think of them, I just send them love, wish them well, and yeah.
7:55
Healing has definitely happened. Mm. I'm hearing so many things. The reason I asked that question is because my name is Taiwo. I'm a twin. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And we're also four. We have one sister, three boys, one girl.
8:09
And a lot of my childhood trauma, or if I can use that word, or a lot of the challenges of my growing up had a lot to do with both siblings and parents. So a lot of the friction or
8:27
stuff- Mm-hmm... that I, the family stuff is equally related to siblings and- Mm-hmm... parents.
8:32
And so I've also been on that journey of love and maturity to learn how to be present and just manage, and it keeps getting better. So I really love to see that y- your journey has, uh, been similar.
8:46
Um, l- like- Um- Okay. Sorry.
8:48
I just wanted to add, sorry, just it's also important to feel that, 'cause I don't know if with, with you there's a pain underneath that, like it's n- it, it's not, it's important not to cover it up with okay love and- No, no...
9:02
because it will come up like- Yeah... even on the surface. Be realistic. You might feel like, "Oh, okay. Oh, yeah." But it would, it would-- And that, that thing that comes up wants to be seen, right?
9:12
It wants to be acknowledged. It wants to be healed. Yes. Yes. It wants to be healed, right? Yes. So it's important to- Wow, this is remarkable.
9:20
I recently had a conversation with one of our siblings where I was trying to, I was trying to get closure over something that had happened, 'cause that's where we used to talk about healing, to get closure.
9:29
Like, "Do you remember this thing that you did?" Mm-hmm. And we weren't able to... That wasn't, it didn't happen. Person was just kind of like denying it and allow me to say gaslighting me a little bit.
9:41
"But do you, do you remember this thing?" [laughs] Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And so we weren't able to make progress, and I just like, it took me a lot of courage to even try to have the conversation. Mm-hmm.
9:52
And it would have taken a lot of courage, a lot of vulnerability for the person to say, "Oh, you know what? Uh..."
9:59
Two of us would have needed to be on the same emotional wavelength, but it was just not the time, and- Mm-hmm... that disappointed me, but it also showed me that maybe we're not there yet, and I don't need to force it.
10:11
Maybe I've gotten further in my own journey of healing- Mm-hmm... and maybe whenever this person is ready, they might be able to own fault, because it takes a lot to own fault.
10:21
And I'm gonna be honest with you, I've, as much as I may have received, I've also given a lot of traumatic things. Yes. So it takes a lot to come forward and say, "Yes, I did that." But, uh, we're all growing.
10:35
Thank God for- Mm-hmm... uh, for growth. How long did it take you to practice that skill of going from reactive to grounded? Time is, it's, it's, I don't know how to answer in terms of time.
10:46
It's just life has been, I've, have had different life experiences. And time and time again, if I choose this other way, I'm just stressing myself.
10:56
But if I choose to just be present and just make sure my mind is, and not let my mind start thinking or reacting, and then like all I need to do now is to respond.
11:07
Um, and I've had it happen multiple times, multiple times. I think, but I think definitely, I think, um, motherhood honestly has been one of the biggest, like [sighs] pregnancy, birth, postpartum, [laughs]
11:24
it's like walking through hell. [laughs] It's like walking through hell. Like it's, it's, it's so, so challenging. Mm. And that experience has really, really, really... 'Cause I've had to surrender,
11:39
like life has happened to me to a point I've had to just, I know that, yeah, there's all I can do is just surrender. There's n- in those moments, there's, I can't, there's nothing I can do. I can only... And
11:51
yeah, so I think m- honestly, motherhood has really, really been what has like really helped me get here. I, I, I think that you are just a very rare gem, and
12:07
I am so, so grateful to have met you for this podcast. Um, let me- I'm sorry. Before- Okay, yeah, yeah... before I end, I also want to say the same about you. You, like you are- Wow... a rare, rare gem. Yeah.
12:20
And the work you're doing is so, so important. Like it's so, so important and like, yeah. Thank you. [laughs] Thank you. Wow. And I'm also blessed, blessed to have like shared- Thank you so much...
12:35
shared this conversation with you. Yes. Wow. Hey, thank you for spending time with us. If today's conversation gave you something to think about, I'd love for you to subscribe and join us again next week.
12:48
Until then, keep building with intention. I'll see you at Breakfast and Launch.
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